Women in Science: The Intersection of Identity and Profession

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What does a particle physicist look like? Dr. Jessica Esquivel is a Black, Mexican female with a wife. Seeing as she was only the second-ever black woman to receive her physics Ph.D. from Syracuse, not many particle physicists physically look like her. Then again, not many particle physicists can do what she does.

At Fermilab, America's particle physics and accelerator lab, Esquivel works on the Muon g-2 experiment, which explores the interactions of muons with a strong magnetic field in empty space. Essentially, Esquivel works with the largest detectors in the country to search for new physics.

She is also one of 125 women selected as an AAAS IF/THEN® ambassador, a program that highlights women in STEM who contribute to multiple fields to show young girls the different career pathways they can pursue. As a minority in multiple facets of the word, Esquivel has a very personal recognition of the importance of equity, diversity and inclusion in STEM.

Rather than a fragmented world view with her identity to one side and her science to the other, Esquivel operates within an intersectional lens—meaning her identifies contribute to how she sees herself and her science.

“My process in doing science is unique to me because, not in spite of, my minoritized identities,” she says.

LE: What research/experiment are you working on currently at FermiLab?
Esquivel:
I'm a particle physicist at Fermilab and we are tasked with studying the building blocks of the universe with the biggest detectors in the country. Currently, I'm on the Muon g-2 experiment, where we are using a particle called the muon to probe into possible new physics. Muons are similar to electrons but heavier, they spin like a spinning top in a magnetic field, which is called the g factor. We fill a huge magnet with muons and watch them dance in the magnetic field. We also know that a quantum foam exists in empty space that acts similar to fizz from soda. As the bubbles in fizz zoom up to the top and pop, so do virtual particles that pop in and out of existence in vacuum. Our theory of particle physics, colloquially called the standard model, has a pretty good idea of which virtual particles pop in and out, but by paying very close attention to these muons' choreography we can see if a new particle pops into existence by watching for a new dance move.

LE: You are an Afro-Latin woman in the LGBTQ+ community. That can be a tough road to navigate even without becoming the second-ever black woman to receive her physics Ph.D. from Syracuse and going on to work at America's particle physics laboratory. What were some of the biggest challenges you had to traverse to get to where you are today?
Esquivel:
The hardest challenge I'm still facing is battling imposter syndrome while simultaneously teasing out noise from white supremacist structures that tell me, whether implicit or otherwise, that I don't belong here. Internally, I question if I'm smart enough, if I'm here to be tokenized. To a certain extent, logically I know I'm a badass physicist, that I do belong in STEM, but the continuous microaggressions get under your skin and seep into your brain and make you doubt yourself; it makes you question your intellect. The shock and surprise when I introduce myself as Dr. Esquivel, or say I'm a physicist makes you second guess yourself. The comments like "man I wish I was URM so I could get a scholarship" or "you only got in because of a quota" shakes the ground your feet are standing on. Physics is hard, PERIOD! It's built on the scientific method, which requires failure to reach innovation. I'd posit that most people in this field battle imposter syndrome, the difference though is that not only am I battling my internal feelings of not belonging, I'm also receiving systemic cues that I don't belong.

LE: What role, if any, does your identity play in your work as a particle physicist? 
Esquivel:
I can't not be a Black, Mexican, woman scientist and I choose not to be silent about being a lesbian. This is the intersectional lens I see the world through and it impacts how I see and do my science. My process in doing science is unique to me because, not in spite of, my minoritized identities.

LE: You're a role model, plain and simple. What does that mean to you?
Esquivel:
To me this means I have a responsibility to be my authentic self. To be honest and vulnerable in the struggles I've faced and am still facing in this field. To be intentionally visible in all of my minoritized identities and to be vocal about issues my people are facing outside of STEM. To highlight the necessity of bringing our whole selves to our job, fragmentation of identities takes away from the STEM we could produce. To push on the narrative that STEM needs to be all you do; push on the narrative that if you don't live/breath/eat STEM you don't have the grit" to survive.

Being a scientist is a JOB, work it from 9-5 leave it at work and flex your other creative juices at home! That's why I also am vocal on social media/panels/keynotes about my other passions like cosplay, DIYing, reading YA sci-fi, makeup, plus-size fashion, etc.

jessLE: Equality, diversity, inclusion, representation. Why are these beliefs so important now and especially to the future of STEM?
Esquivel:
Not only are the wonders of science for everyone, the questions we are trying to answer are at the bleeding edge of society's knowledge, therefore we need unique lenses and solutions from everyone. On top of that, many of the scientific discoveries or innovations that stem from basic research spawn products that are consumed by society. Not having diverse representation in STEM leads to impactful long-lasting inequities that plague society.

As I've used machine learning in my research, I'm well versed in how implicit/explicit bias can seep into convolutional neural networks and have detrimental societal effects. An example of this are Black men being labeled as apes or being misidentified as someone else due to the training dataset, collated by predominantly white male researchers, not having enough (or any) images of Black men. Another more recent example comes out of MIT Tiny Images dataset where photos of women, Black individuals, and Asian individuals were being identified with derogatory language because the training dataset used derogatory labels associated with images of minoritized individuals. Machine learning right now is all the rage, from insurance companies to police forces wanting to implement these tools, but because of the fact that minoritized individuals aren't in the room when these are being innovated, they have built in racial and gender inequities—and more than likely many more—that must be addressed.

Even now in the world of continuous zoom meetings, I'm plagued with “I don't belong!” The virtual background wasn't built for people like me with natural hair. The technology that virtual backgrounds are built on used eurocentric features, thus expecting that professionals using this technology would have straight/laid hair. If minoritized individuals were in the room when this technology was being built, a possibly more robust edge detection algorithm could've been implemented to address differences in hair textures.

Equity, diversity, inclusion and representation should not be seen as buzzwords or a way to increase an organization's profit margin. Our unique lens is so important to making sure we are creating a society that is equitable for the most marginalized and should be valued as such. We don't need you, you need us.

LE: What's the best advice you have ever been given? Also, what advice do you give to minority women interested in STEM?
Esquivel:
My mom used to tell my sister and I at a young age that whatever men can do, women can do better. I attribute that advice, and the fact that my dad never gendered tinkering, engineering, superheros, or sci-fi in our home, to me not even thinking STEM wasn't attainable for women.

As far as advice I give, my go-to answer is to be stubborn because there will be so many people telling you that you aren't smart enough or good enough at XYZ. But I think I'd dig deeper and say that you are needed in these STEM spaces, the unique lens we see the world through as minoritized individuals needs to be valued and I am doing everything I can with the little power I have to make some noise and make sure that's the case.